








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 325 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 146 matches | ||
| Premier | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2221 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,817 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2272 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1810 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1466 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2269 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,038,215 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yoseph Yo Gurtman | 61% | 44 |
| #2 | papercut01 | 60% | 25 |
| #3 | bernie | 57% | 107 |
| #4 | jared | 56% | 116 |
| #5 | Promoter of Tamjai Mixian | 53% | 162 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | jared | 56% | 116 |
| #5 | Promoter of Tamjai Mixian | 53% | 162 |
| #6 | ynneL | 53% | 51 |
| #7 | WondurKat | 49% | 65 |
| #8 | jose.gonzalez.2007 | 48% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bernie | 10 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Promoter of Tamjai Mixian | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | ynneL | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Yoseph Yo Gurtman | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | jose.gonzalez.2007 | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Promoter of Tamjai Mixian | 615 | 0.17 | 17 min |
| #2 | jose.gonzalez.2007 | 559 | 0.23 | 17 min |
| #3 | bernie | 305 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #4 | Yoseph Yo Gurtman | 163 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #5 | jared | 147 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | papercut01 | +1.91 | 87 | 61 |
| #2 | Promoter of Tamjai Mixian | +0.44 | 73 | 70 |
| #3 | bernie | +0.22 | 89 | 53 |
| #4 | jared | +0.19 | 60 | 63 |
| #5 | Yoseph Yo Gurtman | +0.06 | 76 | 68 |





