








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 625 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 473 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 105 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9334 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,811 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2547 | 15% |
| Smokes | 3756 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 7488 | 45% |
| Molotovs | 3020 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,327,801 of utility $203 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 192 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xlout | 55% | 163 |
| #2 | matt-E | 52% | 123 |
| #3 | Abe | 51% | 656 |
| #4 | Nemo | 50% | 519 |
| #5 | ム | 50% | 98 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nemo | 26 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | TEANIE PEANIR | 21 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Abe | 16 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Shady Milkman | 10 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | xlout | 6 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nemo | 1602 | 0.15 | 42 min |
| #2 | TEANIE PEANIR | 1126 | 0.09 | 30 min |
| #3 | Abe | 833 | 0.06 | 23 min |
| #4 | matt-E | 818 | 0.31 | 24 min |
| #5 | shyaM | 556 | 0.34 | 16 min |





