








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 50 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
218 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 569 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 21 | 4% |
| Smokes | 185 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 278 | 49% |
| Molotovs | 85 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $203,163 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Levi | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | e30.jp | 56% | 9 |
| #3 | Salty Dinner | 38% | 8 |
| #4 | McDubz | 33% | 3 |
| #5 | Element | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Private | 23 | 0.0328 |
| #2 | Rayne | 21 | 0.0208 |
| #3 | DonDave | 9 | 0.0409 |
| #4 | Sqerl | 6 | 0.0260 |
| #5 | Tazmo | 5 | 0.0159 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rayne | 162 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #2 | Tazmo | 130 | 0.41 | 4 min |
| #3 | Private | 86 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Sqerl | 56 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #5 | Salty Dinner | 24 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | McDubz | +10.80 | 86 | 58 |
| #2 | Yikes, you died like that??? | +4.89 | 85 | 46 |
| #3 | Private | +2.69 | 61 | 60 |
| #4 | Sqerl | +1.79 | 74 | 59 |
| #5 | Tazmo | +0.78 | 86 | 70 |





