








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 407 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 280 matches | ||
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2718 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,731 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5788 | 35% |
| Smokes | 4650 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3043 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 3250 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $537,463 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 104 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | umbrz | 58% | 60 |
| #2 | [fATwussy] Brzęczyszczykiewicz | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | storfisk | 55% | 95 |
| #4 | dake | 53% | 53 |
| #5 | Oshie | 50% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Makoto | 47% | 32 |
| #10 | Dead_Bed | 44% | 18 |
| #11 | TheLilGeneral | 44% | 25 |
| #12 | Tsmitty | 44% | 32 |
| #13 | hades | 29% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | storfisk | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | dake | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Polacko | 3 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | 2001 Honda Accord VTEC V6 | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | umbrz | 2 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | storfisk | 474 | 0.24 | 12 min |
| #2 | 2001 Honda Accord VTEC V6 | 421 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #3 | umbrz | 201 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #4 | CLRRRR | 173 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | Polacko | 144 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | umbrz | +2.96 | 84 | 66 |
| #2 | storfisk | +1.35 | 61 | 69 |
| #3 | dake | +0.81 | 90 | 48 |
| #4 | Polacko | +0.47 | 62 | 62 |
| #5 | [fATwussy] Brzęczyszczykiewicz | +0.19 | 67 | 63 |





