








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 598 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 215 matches | ||
| Premier | 108 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4894 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,012 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5975 | 37% |
| Smokes | 4281 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2849 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2907 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $871,065 of utility $93 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 169 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | umbrz | 64% | 25 |
| #2 | TheLilGeneral | 53% | 38 |
| #3 | mahlolo | 50% | 142 |
| #4 | storfisk | 48% | 99 |
| #5 | hades | 48% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | hades | 48% | 23 |
| #6 | CJNeffy | 47% | 53 |
| #7 | CLRRRR | 46% | 79 |
| #8 | Tsmitty | 45% | 69 |
| #9 | dake | 43% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dake | 10 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | storfisk | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | CJNeffy | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | umbrz | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | mahlolo | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mahlolo | 755 | 0.26 | 21 min |
| #2 | storfisk | 465 | 0.22 | 12 min |
| #3 | CLRRRR | 175 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | Tsmitty | 147 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | TheLilGeneral | 131 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | umbrz | +3.53 | 83 | 63 |
| #2 | 2001 Honda Accord VTEC V6 | +1.44 | 64 | 68 |
| #3 | storfisk | +1.29 | 68 | 69 |
| #4 | dake | +1.21 | 91 | 52 |
| #5 | Tsmitty | -0.10 | 83 | 60 |





