








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 350 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 696 matches | ||
| Premier | 440 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
11945 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,329 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11752 | 43% |
| Smokes | 5877 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 6731 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2969 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,300,788 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1466 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | storfisk | 57% | 69 |
| #2 | TheBreadmeister | 54% | 157 |
| #3 | cheZ | 50% | 121 |
| #4 | mrkorney | 50% | 76 |
| #5 | Stratty 7.62s LIKE OSCAR MEYER | 49% | 123 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Stratty 7.62s LIKE OSCAR MEYER | 49% | 123 |
| #6 | mahlolo | 49% | 78 |
| #7 | Link | 47% | 125 |
| #8 | Micro_Big_Ween | 46% | 67 |
| #9 | 2001 Honda Accord VTEC V6 | 46% | 79 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBreadmeister | 12 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Stratty 7.62s LIKE OSCAR MEYER | 9 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | cheZ | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Link | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Micro_Big_Ween | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBreadmeister | 886 | 0.26 | 23 min |
| #2 | Link | 874 | 0.32 | 26 min |
| #3 | mahlolo | 425 | 0.27 | 12 min |
| #4 | storfisk | 306 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #5 | Stratty 7.62s LIKE OSCAR MEYER | 281 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | storfisk | +2.32 | 67 | 66 |
| #2 | Link | +1.05 | 72 | 72 |
| #3 | Stratty 7.62s LIKE OSCAR MEYER | +0.56 | 57 | 59 |
| #4 | CLRRRR | +0.16 | 52 | 54 |
| #5 | 2001 Honda Accord VTEC V6 | +0.13 | 57 | 67 |





