








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 68 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
571 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,787 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 573 | 32% |
| Smokes | 399 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 422 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 393 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $115,958 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 50 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | guag | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | 5th dan blackbelt driller | 100% | 4 |
| #3 | jourdain | 82% | 11 |
| #4 | mmr philantrophist | 78% | 9 |
| #5 | mizzy | 69% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | mmr philantrophist | 78% | 9 |
| #5 | mizzy | 69% | 16 |
| #6 | mv zquence ¬-¬ * adonix | 67% | 3 |
| #7 | gunnlock[f] | 67% | 3 |
| #8 | Lemmy | 56% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mizzy | 66 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #2 | jourdain | 59 | 0.27 | 2 min |
| #3 | mmr philantrophist | 35 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #4 | Lemmy | 23 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | 5th dan blackbelt driller | 15 | 0.19 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | L | +4.46 | 87 | 74 |
| #2 | guag | +2.29 | 49 | 64 |
| #3 | mmr philantrophist | +0.79 | 70 | 67 |
| #4 | jourdain | +0.26 | 75 | 74 |
| #5 | mizzy | +0.25 | 64 | 79 |





