








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 104 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1027 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,295 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1301 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1119 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1038 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 837 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $387,823 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vojnik Armir | 61% | 18 |
| #2 | lake michigan | 57% | 82 |
| #3 | bobenheimer | 55% | 76 |
| #4 | Skvatnan | 53% | 19 |
| #5 | pasta booth | 52% | 114 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | pasta booth | 52% | 114 |
| #6 | austincs_ | 52% | 31 |
| #7 | Hogwarts | 50% | 10 |
| #8 | Fewwi | 50% | 58 |
| #9 | Spoody | 27% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pasta booth | 24 | 0.0101 |
| #2 | lake michigan | 9 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | Vojnik Armir | 4 | 0.0096 |
| #4 | Spoody | 4 | 0.0188 |
| #5 | austincs_ | 3 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pasta booth | 379 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #2 | Fewwi | 160 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | austincs_ | 124 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #4 | bobenheimer | 119 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | lake michigan | 90 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | austincs_ | +6.12 | 89 | 69 |
| #2 | Skvatnan | +3.67 | 62 | 52 |
| #3 | lake michigan | +2.33 | 82 | 58 |
| #4 | bobenheimer | +1.06 | 61 | 64 |
| #5 | Spoody | -0.15 | 52 | 52 |





