








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 200 matches | ||
| Premier | 182 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2721 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,805 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4430 | 35% |
| Smokes | 3468 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2949 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1958 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $844,783 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Skvatnan | 52% | 85 |
| #2 | deepsit0 | 50% | 38 |
| #3 | Branco | 50% | 58 |
| #4 | bobenheimer | 50% | 337 |
| #5 | lake michigan | 48% | 155 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | bobenheimer | 50% | 337 |
| #5 | lake michigan | 48% | 155 |
| #6 | austincs_ | 47% | 34 |
| #7 | Vojnik Armir | 45% | 31 |
| #8 | pasta booth | 45% | 157 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bobenheimer | 31 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | pasta booth | 9 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | lake michigan | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Branco | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | deepsit0 | 2 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pasta booth | 511 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #2 | bobenheimer | 436 | 0.06 | 10 min |
| #3 | lake michigan | 196 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #4 | deepsit0 | 193 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #5 | austincs_ | 131 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | austincs_ | +4.39 | 91 | 63 |
| #2 | lake michigan | +2.31 | 82 | 58 |
| #3 | Skvatnan | +1.65 | 68 | 58 |
| #4 | bobenheimer | +1.23 | 63 | 65 |
| #5 | deepsit0 | -0.02 | 48 | 72 |





