








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1994 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,535 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 890 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1632 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1539 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1474 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $298,782 of utility $58 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 86 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ImaSnake | 52% | 23 |
| #2 | Donny Shish | 51% | 49 |
| #3 | kenny jams | 50% | 48 |
| #4 | Augzilla | 44% | 18 |
| #5 | Squonk | 44% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | kenny jams | 50% | 48 |
| #4 | Augzilla | 44% | 18 |
| #5 | Squonk | 44% | 36 |
| #6 | DiscountDoomslayer | 40% | 47 |
| #7 | Dr.PhilYT | 38% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DiscountDoomslayer | 9 | 0.0096 |
| #2 | kenny jams | 5 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | Donny Shish | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Squonk | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Dr.PhilYT | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DiscountDoomslayer | 193 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #2 | kenny jams | 117 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Donny Shish | 50 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Squonk | 8 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | Dr.PhilYT | 1 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donny Shish | +7.83 | 88 | 67 |
| #2 | DiscountDoomslayer | +0.41 | 41 | 71 |
| #3 | kenny jams | +0.11 | 52 | 72 |
| #4 | Squonk | -0.46 | 37 | 12 |
| #5 | Bugtoat | -0.89 | 57 | 39 |





