








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 152 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1075 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,864 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 24 | 1% |
| Smokes | 500 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 550 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 790 | 42% |
Our logs show you have wasted $907,536 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 231 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bugtoat | 52% | 23 |
| #2 | Donny Shish | 41% | 253 |
| #3 | Mark PubeAss | 40% | 78 |
| #4 | kenny jams | 39% | 117 |
| #5 | Squonk | 36% | 266 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Byeah | 34% | 102 |
| #8 | George from IT | 31% | 103 |
| #9 | Augzilla | 29% | 86 |
| #10 | Dr.PhilYT | 27% | 73 |
| #11 | I_Am_Spartan | 27% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donny Shish | 35 | 0.0070 |
| #2 | Squonk | 23 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | kenny jams | 9 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | DiscountDoomslayer | 7 | 0.0076 |
| #5 | Augzilla | 6 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donny Shish | 388 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #2 | Mark PubeAss | 355 | 0.23 | 8 min |
| #3 | kenny jams | 288 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #4 | DiscountDoomslayer | 269 | 0.29 | 7 min |
| #5 | George from IT | 155 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donny Shish | +8.47 | 88 | 63 |
| #2 | kenny jams | +1.31 | 45 | 73 |
| #3 | Squonk | +0.51 | 39 | 21 |
| #4 | Mark PubeAss | -0.33 | 34 | 58 |
| #5 | DiscountDoomslayer | -0.88 | 33 | 74 |





