








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 187 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 82 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




61 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2118 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,623 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6360 | 43% |
| Smokes | 3140 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 3128 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1995 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $319,599 of utility $50 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 297 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mark PubeAss | 60% | 25 |
| #2 | kenny jams | 45% | 71 |
| #3 | Donny Shish | 45% | 103 |
| #4 | Squonk | 43% | 103 |
| #5 | Bugtoat | 40% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | George from IT | 36% | 56 |
| #8 | ImaSnake | 35% | 48 |
| #9 | Augzilla | 27% | 33 |
| #10 | Dr.PhilYT | 27% | 71 |
| #11 | Byeah | 24% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Squonk | 13 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | Donny Shish | 12 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | Mr Razpberry Jam | 9 | 0.0067 |
| #4 | Bugtoat | 7 | 0.0075 |
| #5 | Dr.PhilYT | 6 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kenny jams | 192 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | Donny Shish | 146 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | Mark PubeAss | 122 | 0.25 | 2 min |
| #4 | George from IT | 93 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Squonk | 37 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donny Shish | +7.20 | 86 | 59 |
| #2 | Mark PubeAss | +0.88 | 37 | 62 |
| #3 | kenny jams | +0.78 | 40 | 72 |
| #4 | DiscountDoomslayer | +0.22 | 41 | 72 |
| #5 | Squonk | -0.16 | 37 | 19 |





