








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1581 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 543 matches | ||
| Faceit | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8615 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,666 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4248 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4318 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4379 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3721 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,383,563 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1505 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kAppz | 61% | 61 |
| #2 | meph | 60% | 42 |
| #3 | TheLastDon | 57% | 142 |
| #4 | StarBoi | 56% | 91 |
| #5 | Gettooled | 55% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Gettooled | 55% | 71 |
| #6 | TheSpermThatWon | 54% | 80 |
| #7 | Archy | 50% | 34 |
| #8 | Exoskeletal | 48% | 44 |
| #9 | spicy triangle | 47% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheSpermThatWon | 10 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | TheLastDon | 8 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | StarBoi | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | kAppz | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | spicy triangle | 2 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheLastDon | 515 | 0.17 | 13 min |
| #2 | StarBoi | 434 | 0.22 | 11 min |
| #3 | TheSpermThatWon | 291 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #4 | meph | 276 | 0.27 | 7 min |
| #5 | Gettooled | 271 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Archy | +3.19 | 74 | 61 |
| #2 | Gettooled | +2.69 | 82 | 58 |
| #3 | StarBoi | +1.12 | 62 | 72 |
| #4 | meph | +0.79 | 60 | 60 |
| #5 | TheSpermThatWon | +0.61 | 76 | 58 |





