








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 128 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 109 matches | ||
| Faceit | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1702 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,841 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1667 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2072 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1700 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1402 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $339,379 of utility $75 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GoogleMKULTRA | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | πΎπππ’ππππ‘π½πͺπ§π£ | 61% | 31 |
| #3 | M1ckW1ck | 58% | 36 |
| #4 | erock | 54% | 37 |
| #5 | Canada_Dry | 52% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Drek | 46% | 13 |
| #10 | DJ Jazzy Jess | 45% | 11 |
| #11 | Spark | 43% | 28 |
| #12 | ClevieWonder | 38% | 13 |
| #13 | Sinbad | 35% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | erock | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | LowCiel | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | GoogleMKULTRA | 1 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | DJ Jazzy Jess | 1 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M1ckW1ck | 353 | 0.42 | 7 min |
| #2 | Gearslayer360 | 100 | 0.25 | 2 min |
| #3 | πΎπππ’ππππ‘π½πͺπ§π£ | 91 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | Canada_Dry | 71 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | erock | 69 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Canada_Dry | +2.40 | 59 | 74 |
| #2 | GoogleMKULTRA | +1.35 | 39 | 75 |
| #3 | Goose | +1.03 | 66 | 59 |
| #4 | M1ckW1ck | +0.96 | 44 | 59 |
| #5 | Sinbad | +0.57 | 50 | 62 |





