








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 117 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 266 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




32 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3004 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,581 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 503 | 9% |
| Smokes | 1658 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1976 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 1444 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $830,482 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 156 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oof ow my Spine | 50% | 70 |
| #2 | Mons | 50% | 96 |
| #3 | Tinytombomb | 47% | 145 |
| #4 | Caesar Salad | 47% | 143 |
| #5 | Alsyna | 46% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Caesar Salad | 47% | 143 |
| #5 | Alsyna | 46% | 82 |
| #6 | desktopketamine | 46% | 54 |
| #7 | KottaGO | 43% | 77 |
| #8 | MagicJohnson | 38% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Caesar Salad | 29 | 0.0095 |
| #2 | Tinytombomb | 19 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | Mons | 12 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | KottaGO | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Oof ow my Spine | 2 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tinytombomb | 411 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #2 | Caesar Salad | 252 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #3 | Mons | 231 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | KottaGO | 138 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | desktopketamine | 130 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tinytombomb | +2.11 | 53 | 75 |
| #2 | desktopketamine | +1.54 | 46 | 52 |
| #3 | Caesar Salad | +0.53 | 44 | 60 |
| #4 | Mons | +0.23 | 46 | 68 |
| #5 | Scarecrow | -0.30 | 47 | 39 |





