








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 439 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 443 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4205 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,587 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5315 | 23% |
| Smokes | 6541 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5233 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 6498 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $252,339 of utility $23 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 303 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MagicJohnson | 55% | 105 |
| #2 | Alsyna | 53% | 141 |
| #3 | Tinytombomb | 52% | 438 |
| #4 | Caesar Salad | 51% | 393 |
| #5 | KottaGO | 50% | 266 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Caesar Salad | 88 | 0.0104 |
| #2 | Tinytombomb | 50 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | KottaGO | 16 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Scarecrow | 16 | 0.0075 |
| #5 | Oof ow my Spine | 7 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tinytombomb | 1423 | 0.15 | 37 min |
| #2 | Caesar Salad | 767 | 0.09 | 19 min |
| #3 | KottaGO | 441 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #4 | Oof ow my Spine | 348 | 0.07 | 11 min |
| #5 | desktopketamine | 210 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tinytombomb | +1.93 | 53 | 76 |
| #2 | Mons | +0.85 | 48 | 69 |
| #3 | Caesar Salad | +0.47 | 45 | 60 |
| #4 | MagicJohnson | +0.40 | 48 | 45 |
| #5 | desktopketamine | +0.27 | 51 | 54 |





