








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 209 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 362 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3053 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,191 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1740 | 17% |
| Smokes | 2957 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3013 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2481 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,870,427 of utility $198 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Caesar Salad | 45% | 360 |
| #7 | MagicJohnson | 45% | 74 |
| #8 | Alsyna | 43% | 116 |
| #9 | desktopketamine | 39% | 67 |
| #10 | CaptainBigCones | 36% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Caesar Salad | 80 | 0.0105 |
| #2 | Tinytombomb | 31 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Mons | 21 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | KottaGO | 14 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Scarecrow | 10 | 0.0068 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tinytombomb | 979 | 0.14 | 25 min |
| #2 | Caesar Salad | 644 | 0.08 | 18 min |
| #3 | Mons | 564 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #4 | KottaGO | 430 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #5 | desktopketamine | 198 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tinytombomb | +2.21 | 53 | 77 |
| #2 | desktopketamine | +1.33 | 58 | 60 |
| #3 | Mons | +1.28 | 48 | 71 |
| #4 | Caesar Salad | +1.04 | 46 | 59 |
| #5 | Scarecrow | +0.39 | 44 | 46 |





