








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 174 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 653 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 61 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4818 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,351 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3889 | 16% |
| Smokes | 8390 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 6038 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 6034 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,071,777 of utility $66 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mons | 50% | 266 |
| #2 | Tinytombomb | 49% | 360 |
| #3 | desktopketamine | 47% | 79 |
| #4 | Oof ow my Spine | 45% | 265 |
| #5 | MagicJohnson | 45% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Caesar Salad | 66 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | Tinytombomb | 41 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | Mons | 20 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Scarecrow | 9 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | Oof ow my Spine | 7 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tinytombomb | 1131 | 0.14 | 30 min |
| #2 | Mons | 740 | 0.13 | 18 min |
| #3 | Caesar Salad | 710 | 0.09 | 19 min |
| #4 | Oof ow my Spine | 401 | 0.07 | 12 min |
| #5 | desktopketamine | 249 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tinytombomb | +2.18 | 51 | 76 |
| #2 | desktopketamine | +1.73 | 54 | 58 |
| #3 | Mons | +1.34 | 50 | 68 |
| #4 | Caesar Salad | +0.43 | 47 | 59 |
| #5 | Scarecrow | +0.20 | 49 | 39 |





