








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 452 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 595 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 57 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




75 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6102 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 34,745 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9033 | 26% |
| Smokes | 9045 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 9843 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 6824 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $925,384 of utility $59 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 800 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | KottaGO | 49% | 360 |
| #7 | Caesar Salad | 49% | 515 |
| #8 | Scarecrow | 47% | 145 |
| #9 | desktopketamine | 42% | 107 |
| #10 | bmac | 40% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Caesar Salad | 123 | 0.0112 |
| #2 | Mons | 39 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | KottaGO | 21 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Scarecrow | 21 | 0.0066 |
| #5 | Oof ow my Spine | 15 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mons | 1137 | 0.12 | 27 min |
| #2 | Caesar Salad | 1032 | 0.09 | 28 min |
| #3 | KottaGO | 635 | 0.08 | 16 min |
| #4 | Oof ow my Spine | 492 | 0.07 | 15 min |
| #5 | desktopketamine | 262 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tinytombomb | +1.78 | 53 | 76 |
| #2 | Mons | +0.94 | 48 | 69 |
| #3 | desktopketamine | +0.63 | 52 | 56 |
| #4 | MagicJohnson | +0.42 | 51 | 42 |
| #5 | Caesar Salad | +0.42 | 44 | 60 |





