








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 326 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 255 matches | ||
| Wingman | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3168 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,345 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4098 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3650 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2603 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2994 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $542,772 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 143 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xDemixD | 65% | 48 |
| #2 | paul | 55% | 164 |
| #3 | wurmsoN | 52% | 128 |
| #4 | Mickey シ | 51% | 47 |
| #5 | Jerbaut | 51% | 228 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Jerbaut | 51% | 228 |
| #6 | VaPoR™ | 48% | 151 |
| #7 | methanoutput | 43% | 30 |
| #8 | Godypmu | 39% | 28 |
| #9 | topkek | 25% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerbaut | 7 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | paul | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | VaPoR™ | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | wurmsoN | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | Mickey シ | 2 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerbaut | 1152 | 0.23 | 36 min |
| #2 | wurmsoN | 971 | 0.34 | 27 min |
| #3 | paul | 490 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #4 | Mickey シ | 220 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #5 | VaPoR™ | 170 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mickey シ | +1.12 | 87 | 71 |
| #2 | Wrimel | +0.97 | 90 | 65 |
| #3 | xDemixD | +0.55 | 56 | 59 |
| #4 | Jerbaut | +0.42 | 62 | 86 |
| #5 | VaPoR™ | +0.32 | 91 | 59 |





