








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 77 matches | ||
| Faceit | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1512 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,732 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2444 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1481 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1888 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 919 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $161,453 of utility $50 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lanimal | 60% | 30 |
| #2 | Key_On | 53% | 86 |
| #3 | schooled | 51% | 47 |
| #4 | n3b[s] | 49% | 49 |
| #5 | HEMANNN | 48% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Envy | 4 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | KEN1 | 2 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | Key_On | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | n3b[s] | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | HEMANNN | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HEMANNN | 228 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #2 | Key_On | 209 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | Envy | 179 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #4 | lanimal | 169 | 0.28 | 3 min |
| #5 | schooled | 164 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KEN1 | +3.38 | 92 | 64 |
| #2 | schooled | +2.92 | 86 | 59 |
| #3 | HEMANNN | +2.88 | 77 | 50 |
| #4 | n3b[s] | +1.52 | 76 | 52 |
| #5 | lanimal | +0.96 | 79 | 55 |





