








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 23 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
412 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 953 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 182 | 19% |
| Smokes | 294 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 231 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 246 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $153,581 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Ninja Henn1ngS | 30% | 20 |
| #11 | radiobernd | 29% | 7 |
| #12 | MisterGroßbuchstaben | 25% | 4 |
| #13 | I'm Cute | 20% | 5 |
| #14 | Jockel | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stulle | 4 | 0.0260 |
| #2 | JeromeJenkins | 2 | 0.0169 |
| #3 | Troy McClure | 2 | 0.0220 |
| #4 | Schlag den Raab | 1 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | Bern0 | 1 | 0.0083 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stulle | 19 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #2 | Schlag den Raab | 18 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #3 | Jockel | 14 | 0.22 | 0 min |
| #4 | Ninja Henn1ngS | 13 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | I'm Cute | 13 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | guter alter Mann Pettersson | +6.96 | 64 | 51 |
| #2 | Schlag den Raab | +4.89 | 86 | 66 |
| #3 | Stulle | +3.76 | 83 | 71 |
| #4 | Troy McClure | +3.59 | 58 | 71 |
| #5 | I'm Cute | +3.26 | 46 | 79 |





