








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 106 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 273 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2493 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,837 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 316 | 8% |
| Smokes | 1104 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1518 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 899 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,504,455 of utility $205 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I'm Cute | 54% | 26 |
| #2 | JeromeJenkins | 52% | 84 |
| #3 | Schlag den Raab | 52% | 75 |
| #4 | guter alter Mann Pettersson | 51% | 61 |
| #5 | Bern0 | 48% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♕☠ Ruffy ☠♕ | 14 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | radiobernd | 14 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | Stulle | 14 | 0.0144 |
| #4 | MisterGroßbuchstaben | 10 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | guter alter Mann Pettersson | 10 | 0.0080 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MisterGroßbuchstaben | 353 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #2 | Jockel | 244 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #3 | Bern0 | 173 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | Schlag den Raab | 126 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | JeromeJenkins | 107 | 0.07 | 3 min |





