








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 511 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 502 matches | ||
| Faceit | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 130 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




147 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6081 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,859 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4554 | 24% |
| Smokes | 5107 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 6401 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 2797 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,386,187 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 579 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Ahl | 54% | 68 |
| #2 | JeromeJenkins | 52% | 214 |
| #3 | radiobernd | 52% | 337 |
| #4 | ♕☠ Ruffy ☠♕ | 52% | 87 |
| #5 | Schlag den Raab | 50% | 232 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Schlag den Raab | 50% | 232 |
| #6 | Ninja Henn1ngS | 47% | 45 |
| #7 | MisterGroßbuchstaben | 45% | 185 |
| #8 | SiLLE | 44% | 78 |
| #9 | TTTobi | 43% | 97 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | radiobernd | 64 | 0.0091 |
| #2 | MisterGroßbuchstaben | 19 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | JeromeJenkins | 13 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Schlag den Raab | 12 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | ♕☠ Ruffy ☠♕ | 7 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TTTobi | 626 | 0.30 | 16 min |
| #2 | MisterGroßbuchstaben | 395 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #3 | Schlag den Raab | 375 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #4 | JeromeJenkins | 265 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #5 | radiobernd | 253 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Schlag den Raab | +1.88 | 79 | 59 |
| #2 | Stulle | +0.98 | 75 | 64 |
| #3 | radiobernd | +0.43 | 71 | 52 |
| #4 | JeromeJenkins | -0.03 | 61 | 62 |
| #5 | SiLLE | -0.05 | 77 | 50 |





