








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 338 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 717 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 81 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 68 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




77 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7860 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,687 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3626 | 18% |
| Smokes | 4920 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 5373 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 5768 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,368,982 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 227 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | guter alter Mann Pettersson | 53% | 116 |
| #2 | Stulle | 52% | 87 |
| #3 | JeromeJenkins | 50% | 150 |
| #4 | radiobernd | 50% | 212 |
| #5 | MisterGroßbuchstaben | 48% | 545 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MisterGroßbuchstaben | 30 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | radiobernd | 26 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | Stulle | 24 | 0.0129 |
| #4 | guter alter Mann Pettersson | 17 | 0.0069 |
| #5 | JeromeJenkins | 9 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MisterGroßbuchstaben | 1080 | 0.09 | 27 min |
| #2 | Schlag den Raab | 203 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #3 | Stulle | 167 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | JeromeJenkins | 156 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #5 | radiobernd | 125 | 0.03 | 3 min |





