








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 216 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 84 matches | ||
| Faceit | 38 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1910 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,463 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 905 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1282 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1514 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1762 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $715,611 of utility $201 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 195 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Vionixx | 53% | 40 |
| #5 | ♔︎ Sijāts | 51% | 116 |
| #6 | Busta-G Method Mama Kid Freak | 50% | 101 |
| #7 | Brainwasher | 49% | 74 |
| #8 | WassasiT | 48% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♔︎ Sijāts | 8 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Sautējuma Baudītājs | 3 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | Busta-G Method Mama Kid Freak | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Brainwasher | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | WassasiT | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WassasiT | 173 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #2 | Busta-G Method Mama Kid Freak | 169 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | Brainwasher | 116 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | Sautējuma Baudītājs | 106 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #5 | cwuwruls | 81 | 0.14 | 2 min |





