








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 860 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 241 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 99 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 86 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




93 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8254 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,491 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6000 | 26% |
| Smokes | 7426 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 6167 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3898 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,537,150 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1230 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sparkity | 54% | 279 |
| #2 | Comma | 50% | 115 |
| #3 | Jack Cherry | 49% | 87 |
| #4 | Banjo lawrence | 49% | 201 |
| #5 | KRANK | 48% | 122 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Banjo lawrence | 46 | 0.0112 |
| #2 | Comma | 39 | 0.0164 |
| #3 | Quasi | 19 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | DJ Longtube | 13 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Seize | 13 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DJ Longtube | 1175 | 0.16 | 21 min |
| #2 | Quasi | 558 | 0.06 | 16 min |
| #3 | Sparkity | 468 | 0.08 | 12 min |
| #4 | Chief Red Eye | 380 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #5 | Seize | 367 | 0.05 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jack Cherry | +3.67 | 60 | 46 |
| #2 | Sparkity | +3.07 | 69 | 54 |
| #3 | Hoedini | +2.72 | 54 | 59 |
| #4 | Comma | +2.47 | 61 | 67 |
| #5 | KRANK | +1.34 | 74 | 42 |





