








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 118 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Premier | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
800 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,000 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 651 | 22% |
| Smokes | 760 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 839 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 750 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $262,759 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CRNCH | 57% | 7 |
| #2 | Susanna Spector | 55% | 58 |
| #3 | Huub | 54% | 65 |
| #4 | homecoming | 52% | 27 |
| #5 | Shagga, son of Dolf | 49% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Susanna Spector | 224 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #2 | Shagga, son of Dolf | 215 | 0.29 | 6 min |
| #3 | cowmonke | 166 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #4 | Huub | 84 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | x64storm | 78 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Huub | +3.29 | 90 | 57 |
| #2 | cowmonke | +0.72 | 71 | 64 |
| #3 | Shagga, son of Dolf | -0.18 | 67 | 70 |
| #4 | x64storm | -0.20 | 59 | 66 |
| #5 | fred chimken | -0.27 | 60 | 60 |





