








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 526 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 264 matches | ||
| Faceit | 175 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3197 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,351 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6591 | 28% |
| Smokes | 5173 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 6688 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 4899 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,278,132 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 291 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shagga, son of Dolf | 57% | 270 |
| #2 | fred chimken | 55% | 58 |
| #3 | homecoming | 54% | 210 |
| #4 | Huub | 53% | 371 |
| #5 | cowmonke | 52% | 262 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cowmonke | 6 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | Huub | 3 | 0.0004 |
| #3 | homecoming | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | x64storm | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Shagga, son of Dolf | 2 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shagga, son of Dolf | 1384 | 0.24 | 38 min |
| #2 | cowmonke | 1079 | 0.19 | 31 min |
| #3 | homecoming | 395 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #4 | Huub | 384 | 0.05 | 10 min |
| #5 | x64storm | 176 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Huub | +3.22 | 89 | 55 |
| #2 | cowmonke | +1.14 | 75 | 63 |
| #3 | homecoming | +0.38 | 72 | 58 |
| #4 | x64storm | +0.04 | 58 | 68 |
| #5 | fred chimken | -0.22 | 65 | 60 |





