








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 123 matches | ||
| Faceit | 76 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2361 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,669 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1742 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1555 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1726 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1646 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $415,687 of utility $80 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 140 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | merkki | 68% | 22 |
| #2 | sauce | 65% | 74 |
| #3 | Mr tacs | 64% | 22 |
| #4 | BooskiBro | 62% | 13 |
| #5 | essentially ape | 60% | 189 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | essentially ape | 60% | 189 |
| #6 | BABS4088 | 58% | 12 |
| #7 | irish | 57% | 120 |
| #8 | Lou Sputthole | 52% | 85 |
| #9 | AAABAAAJSS | 44% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | irish | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Lou Sputthole | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | essentially ape | 1 | 0.0002 |
| #4 | sauce | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Mr tacs | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | essentially ape | 865 | 0.21 | 17 min |
| #2 | irish | 562 | 0.21 | 11 min |
| #3 | sauce | 273 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #4 | Lou Sputthole | 199 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #5 | merkki | 85 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | essentially ape | +1.91 | 70 | 61 |
| #2 | merkki | +1.28 | 67 | 71 |
| #3 | 2step | +1.17 | 84 | 51 |
| #4 | BooskiBro | +0.78 | 54 | 77 |
| #5 | sauce | +0.72 | 63 | 60 |





