








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 355 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 327 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 128 matches | ||
| Faceit | 88 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5541 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,817 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10069 | 36% |
| Smokes | 7052 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 6531 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4165 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $655,786 of utility $51 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 486 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sauce | 58% | 66 |
| #2 | 2step | 57% | 120 |
| #3 | essentially ape | 55% | 398 |
| #4 | AAABAAAJSS | 52% | 67 |
| #5 | Lou Sputthole | 45% | 126 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | essentially ape | 55% | 398 |
| #4 | AAABAAAJSS | 52% | 67 |
| #5 | Lou Sputthole | 45% | 126 |
| #6 | Lag | 44% | 34 |
| #7 | BooskiBro | 32% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | essentially ape | 7 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | Lou Sputthole | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | 2step | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | sauce | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | essentially ape | 1781 | 0.21 | 37 min |
| #2 | Lou Sputthole | 271 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #3 | 2step | 217 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | sauce | 181 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | BooskiBro | 144 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | essentially ape | +2.14 | 69 | 63 |
| #2 | 2step | +0.92 | 84 | 51 |
| #3 | BooskiBro | +0.85 | 59 | 75 |
| #4 | irish | +0.49 | 62 | 61 |
| #5 | sauce | +0.28 | 61 | 56 |





