








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 295 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 290 matches | ||
| Faceit | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 93 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3296 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,814 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1309 | 13% |
| Smokes | 3001 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 3066 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2438 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,938,988 of utility $216 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 190 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jayzanity | 56% | 163 |
| #2 | Jayzanity 3 | 51% | 65 |
| #3 | [KiK] Brannmann Sam | 51% | 150 |
| #4 | Byggmester Bob | 51% | 302 |
| #5 | Coooookie | 50% | 317 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coooookie | 9 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | Jayzanity 3 | 5 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Jayzanity | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | [KiK] Brannmann Sam | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Byggmester Bob | 1 | 0.0002 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coooookie | 1603 | 0.24 | 40 min |
| #2 | Jayzanity | 630 | 0.18 | 15 min |
| #3 | [KiK] Brannmann Sam | 584 | 0.18 | 14 min |
| #4 | Byggmester Bob | 356 | 0.05 | 9 min |
| #5 | Jayzanity 3 | 278 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [KiK] Brannmann Sam | +1.95 | 69 | 71 |
| #2 | Jayzanity | +1.94 | 71 | 71 |
| #3 | Coooookie | +1.23 | 56 | 71 |
| #4 | Jayzanity 3 | +0.96 | 56 | 69 |
| #5 | Byggmester Bob | -1.10 | 45 | 56 |





