








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 505 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2877 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,853 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2398 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2615 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 4326 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 2514 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,662,744 of utility $190 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 188 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | obamasexgaming2003 | 30 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | no Zoom. Professionals. | 12 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | mikeart405 | 11 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | escortgirl - NSCP | 11 | 0.0074 |
| #5 | gamberge | 9 | 0.0107 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | obamasexgaming2003 | 530 | 0.20 | 10 min |
| #2 | mikeart405 | 379 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #3 | diver6ty | 328 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #4 | no Zoom. Professionals. | 295 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #5 | escortgirl - NSCP | 239 | 0.16 | 6 min |





