








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 130 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 115 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1688 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,691 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1903 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1601 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1839 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 348 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $696,011 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 299 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Murbs.Jefe | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | Hoon | 51% | 188 |
| #3 | DreadNipple | 50% | 145 |
| #4 | Jay | 49% | 55 |
| #5 | xMikeshmya | 49% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | xMikeshmya | 49% | 92 |
| #6 | KiRKiVORE | 48% | 178 |
| #7 | Suddam Humane | 45% | 67 |
| #8 | Lechuga | 44% | 25 |
| #9 | CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCH | 40% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hoon | 6 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | KiRKiVORE | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCH | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Jay | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | DreadNipple | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hoon | 618 | 0.15 | 19 min |
| #2 | DreadNipple | 318 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #3 | KiRKiVORE | 262 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| #4 | CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCH | 163 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | Suddam Humane | 157 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hoon | +2.14 | 83 | 70 |
| #2 | DreadNipple | +0.94 | 76 | 63 |
| #3 | KiRKiVORE | +0.50 | 68 | 56 |
| #4 | Huntava | +0.15 | 66 | 52 |
| #5 | Jay | -0.30 | 66 | 48 |





