








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 653 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 270 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 63 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3734 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,107 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3019 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1977 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 3566 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2545 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,167,963 of utility $227 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 270 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCH | 57% | 56 |
| #2 | Lechuga | 55% | 58 |
| #3 | Hoon | 52% | 292 |
| #4 | Suddam Humane | 51% | 106 |
| #5 | DreadNipple | 50% | 177 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | DreadNipple | 50% | 177 |
| #6 | KiRKiVORE | 49% | 354 |
| #7 | Huntava | 49% | 92 |
| #8 | Jay | 48% | 91 |
| #9 | Yaminashi | 36% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hoon | 7 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | Jay | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | KiRKiVORE | 3 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | DreadNipple | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | Huntava | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hoon | 825 | 0.14 | 25 min |
| #2 | KiRKiVORE | 561 | 0.07 | 17 min |
| #3 | DreadNipple | 372 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #4 | Suddam Humane | 250 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #5 | Lechuga | 229 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hoon | +2.46 | 84 | 72 |
| #2 | DreadNipple | +0.62 | 76 | 65 |
| #3 | KiRKiVORE | +0.41 | 68 | 58 |
| #4 | Jay | +0.33 | 66 | 52 |
| #5 | Yaminashi | -0.29 | 75 | 40 |





