








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 459 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 215 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 37 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3014 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,676 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2917 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3385 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3127 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3247 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,460,490 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 274 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nis | 62% | 21 |
| #2 | KiRKiVORE | 51% | 268 |
| #3 | xMikeshmya | 51% | 106 |
| #4 | Hoon | 50% | 219 |
| #5 | Lechuga | 50% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | DreadNipple | 47% | 150 |
| #7 | CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCH | 47% | 70 |
| #8 | Huntava | 45% | 67 |
| #9 | Jay | 44% | 96 |
| #10 | Fitzpleasure | 38% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KiRKiVORE | 8 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | DreadNipple | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Hoon | 2 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | xMikeshmya | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | Lechuga | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hoon | 610 | 0.14 | 17 min |
| #2 | KiRKiVORE | 439 | 0.08 | 14 min |
| #3 | DreadNipple | 314 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #4 | Lechuga | 265 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #5 | Jay | 182 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hoon | +1.50 | 84 | 69 |
| #2 | KiRKiVORE | +0.72 | 70 | 60 |
| #3 | Huntava | +0.64 | 68 | 54 |
| #4 | DreadNipple | +0.60 | 71 | 62 |
| #5 | Jay | +0.04 | 61 | 54 |





