








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1453 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,883 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4221 | 39% |
| Smokes | 2550 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2698 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1414 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $139,458 of utility $30 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 282 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | s4_gull | 53% | 15 |
| #2 | Phoness | 53% | 17 |
| #3 | Caneron | 48% | 33 |
| #4 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 48% | 73 |
| #5 | Global Potato | 45% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 48% | 73 |
| #5 | Global Potato | 45% | 20 |
| #6 | ANKLESPANKER | 44% | 18 |
| #7 | unfoldingcactus | 38% | 13 |
| #8 | HardiB | 36% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phoness | 6 | 0.0171 |
| #2 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 5 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | ANKLESPANKER | 2 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | unfoldingcactus | 2 | 0.0074 |
| #5 | HardiB | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 72 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #2 | ANKLESPANKER | 64 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #3 | Caneron | 41 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Phoness | 29 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | HardiB | 21 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phoness | +7.93 | 88 | 56 |
| #2 | s4_gull | +3.08 | 77 | 47 |
| #3 | unfoldingcactus | +2.87 | 82 | 41 |
| #4 | ANKLESPANKER | +2.27 | 73 | 50 |
| #5 | Caneron | +0.83 | 66 | 62 |





