








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1264 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,501 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1637 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1707 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 976 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1181 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $182,835 of utility $64 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Caneron | 60% | 25 |
| #2 | s4_gull | 54% | 24 |
| #3 | unfoldingcactus | 53% | 15 |
| #4 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 49% | 53 |
| #5 | HardiB | 47% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HardiB | 5 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Banana | 4 | 0.0095 |
| #3 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | s4_gull | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | unfoldingcactus | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Banana | 119 | 0.28 | 2 min |
| #2 | HardiB | 46 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #3 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 40 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | Global Potato | 29 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | Caneron | 16 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | s4_gull | +3.71 | 66 | 47 |
| #2 | unfoldingcactus | +3.02 | 75 | 44 |
| #3 | Caneron | +1.96 | 66 | 65 |
| #4 | ANKLESPANKER | +1.86 | 79 | 53 |
| #5 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | -1.27 | 39 | 33 |





