








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1012 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,999 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 470 | 16% |
| Smokes | 893 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 857 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 779 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $361,873 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 17 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phoness | 67% | 12 |
| #2 | ANKLESPANKER | 60% | 25 |
| #3 | unfoldingcactus | 57% | 40 |
| #4 | s4_gull | 57% | 30 |
| #5 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 55% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 9 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | unfoldingcactus | 8 | 0.0100 |
| #3 | Banana | 6 | 0.0085 |
| #4 | Phoness | 5 | 0.0202 |
| #5 | s4_gull | 3 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Banana | 215 | 0.31 | 4 min |
| #2 | ANKLESPANKER | 103 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #3 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 63 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | Phoness | 25 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | unfoldingcactus | 21 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phoness | +9.34 | 91 | 56 |
| #2 | s4_gull | +2.36 | 78 | 46 |
| #3 | Caneron | +1.89 | 68 | 62 |
| #4 | unfoldingcactus | +1.88 | 78 | 48 |
| #5 | ANKLESPANKER | +1.40 | 74 | 57 |





