








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 220 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1932 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,569 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 576 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1405 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1280 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1308 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,680,657 of utility $269 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 119 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | unfoldingcactus | 7 | 0.0112 |
| #2 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 4 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | s4_gull | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | ANKLESPANKER | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Global Potato | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ANKLESPANKER | 290 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #2 | Banana | 156 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #3 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 52 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | s4_gull | 40 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Caneron | 31 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | s4_gull | +5.36 | 81 | 48 |
| #2 | unfoldingcactus | +3.25 | 80 | 39 |
| #3 | Caneron | +2.08 | 73 | 64 |
| #4 | ANKLESPANKER | +1.96 | 79 | 57 |
| #5 | Global Potato | -0.69 | 67 | 51 |





