








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 996 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 229 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 117 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3476 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,620 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4129 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4749 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3626 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3116 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,647,143 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 341 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phillip K. Dog | 56% | 55 |
| #2 | adPEXtwinDoNG | 54% | 89 |
| #3 | God's Only SOn | 52% | 52 |
| #4 | 4klift opr8r | 52% | 81 |
| #5 | Lehnburger | 50% | 112 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | adPEXtwinDoNG | 54% | 89 |
| #3 | God's Only SOn | 52% | 52 |
| #4 | 4klift opr8r | 52% | 81 |
| #5 | Lehnburger | 50% | 112 |
| #6 | Poopy Ass | 46% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | adPEXtwinDoNG | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | 4klift opr8r | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Phillip K. Dog | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Lehnburger | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | Poopy Ass | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lehnburger | 460 | 0.20 | 11 min |
| #2 | adPEXtwinDoNG | 271 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | God's Only SOn | 263 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #4 | Phillip K. Dog | 233 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #5 | Poopy Ass | 229 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | adPEXtwinDoNG | +3.21 | 71 | 62 |
| #2 | Phillip K. Dog | +2.17 | 73 | 79 |
| #3 | God's Only SOn | +0.54 | 73 | 67 |
| #4 | 4klift opr8r | +0.21 | 67 | 67 |
| #5 | Reuben | +0.15 | 56 | 63 |





