








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 998 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 868 matches | ||
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 351 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8361 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 46,746 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10682 | 23% |
| Smokes | 11664 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 12925 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 11475 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,556,766 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 790 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dreckiger Dan | 61% | 88 |
| #2 | Copium | 58% | 132 |
| #3 | Swarrish. | 55% | 373 |
| #4 | FuckingFork | 53% | 79 |
| #5 | $kim beeble | 52% | 230 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | 5k\ Armmir. | 49% | 292 |
| #9 | kupii | 49% | 346 |
| #10 | icecream.... | 48% | 266 |
| #11 | Mush Mush | 48% | 98 |
| #12 | xeNii_ | 42% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BABABOOOEY | 9 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | kupii | 9 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Swarrish. | 7 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | icecream.... | 6 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | 5k\ Armmir. | 5 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BABABOOOEY | 3873 | 0.35 | 103 min |
| #2 | 5k\ Armmir. | 1057 | 0.16 | 28 min |
| #3 | λeaveN | 898 | 0.16 | 20 min |
| #4 | Swarrish. | 722 | 0.09 | 18 min |
| #5 | kupii | 628 | 0.08 | 14 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xeNii_ | +2.35 | 80 | 60 |
| #2 | FuckingFork | +1.65 | 84 | 72 |
| #3 | Mush Mush | +1.50 | 63 | 72 |
| #4 | λeaveN | +1.22 | 73 | 69 |
| #5 | kupii | +0.93 | 72 | 63 |





