








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 28 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1408 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,053 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1912 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1526 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1235 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1380 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $365,761 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 32 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Penske | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | BamBamCam | 75% | 16 |
| #3 | Sithis | 66% | 32 |
| #4 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | 63% | 41 |
| #5 | Paintball Dave | 62% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Captain Jailbait | 55% | 20 |
| #10 | chloppap | 55% | 11 |
| #11 | Teenis Envy | 55% | 77 |
| #12 | Jaw | 50% | 10 |
| #13 | spliffwutang69 | 50% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teenis Envy | 13 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | Paintball Dave | 10 | 0.0085 |
| #3 | Sithis | 5 | 0.0077 |
| #4 | Steadfast | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | smaashed | 3 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steadfast | 304 | 0.29 | 9 min |
| #2 | Teenis Envy | 300 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #3 | Paintball Dave | 195 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #4 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | 172 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #5 | Sithis | 152 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paintball Dave | +6.97 | 76 | 60 |
| #2 | Steadfast | +5.18 | 83 | 73 |
| #3 | smaashed | +1.75 | 78 | 65 |
| #4 | Sithis | +1.50 | 50 | 67 |
| #5 | Teenis Envy | +1.30 | 69 | 59 |





