








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 464 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 95 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




67 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3914 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,625 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3208 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1998 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 3695 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 1724 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,162,914 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 590 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teenis Envy | 57% | 187 |
| #2 | TOBY | 57% | 28 |
| #3 | Mr. Frown | 56% | 68 |
| #4 | Paintball Dave | 55% | 182 |
| #5 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | 53% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Paintball Dave | 55% | 182 |
| #5 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | 53% | 125 |
| #6 | BamBamCam | 52% | 60 |
| #7 | Captain Jailbait | 51% | 79 |
| #8 | chloppap | 47% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paintball Dave | 43 | 0.0122 |
| #2 | Teenis Envy | 34 | 0.0094 |
| #3 | Captain Jailbait | 19 | 0.0130 |
| #4 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | 18 | 0.0074 |
| #5 | Mr. Frown | 15 | 0.0114 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teenis Envy | 553 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #2 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | 502 | 0.21 | 10 min |
| #3 | Paintball Dave | 455 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #4 | Captain Jailbait | 161 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | BamBamCam | 102 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paintball Dave | +6.59 | 79 | 55 |
| #2 | Teenis Envy | +2.01 | 69 | 62 |
| #3 | smaashed | +1.68 | 75 | 65 |
| #4 | TOBY | -1.26 | 60 | 56 |
| #5 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | -1.70 | 44 | 56 |





