








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 396 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Premier | 13 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Esplay | 1 match | 2,155 | |
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1550 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,451 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 685 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1078 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 835 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 853 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $202,075 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 365 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Σ Alexius Σ | 55% | 22 |
| #11 | baltic vacuum | 53% | 17 |
| #12 | Kinesien | 44% | 18 |
| #13 | pesse jinkman | 27% | 11 |
| #14 | urban dolmemos | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kinesien | 14 | 0.0372 |
| #2 | Σ Alexius Σ | 13 | 0.0276 |
| #3 | pesse jinkman | 8 | 0.0333 |
| #4 | Sylvester | 6 | 0.0330 |
| #5 | granen | 3 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | granen | 86 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | xs | 63 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #3 | baltic vacuum | 63 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | Kinesien | 58 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #5 | Σ Alexius Σ | 43 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Säpos Certifierade TF2-Proffs | +6.45 | 90 | 63 |
| #2 | granen | +3.46 | 74 | 53 |
| #3 | Piimä | +1.70 | 44 | 64 |
| #4 | mrwickey | +1.63 | 78 | 50 |
| #5 | Kinesien | +1.61 | 71 | 46 |





