










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 128 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
477 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,600 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 623 | 39% |
| Smokes | 542 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 340 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 95 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $284,617 of utility $222 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 121 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Σ Alexius Σ | 14 | 0.0268 |
| #2 | Sylvester | 9 | 0.0223 |
| #3 | granen | 6 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | Säpos Certifierade TF2-Proffs | 6 | 0.0110 |
| #5 | Kinesien | 4 | 0.0179 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | granen | 147 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #2 | Säpos Certifierade TF2-Proffs | 66 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #3 | baltic vacuum | 53 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #4 | Σ Alexius Σ | 44 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | Kinesien | 43 | 0.19 | 1 min |





