










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 377 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 37 matches | 1,644 | |
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
887 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,684 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 868 | 32% |
| Smokes | 637 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 686 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 493 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $393,170 of utility $209 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1041 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Kinesien | 51% | 49 |
| #14 | Σ Alexius Σ | 44% | 9 |
| #15 | I Drug Women | 43% | 7 |
| #16 | baltic vacuum | 40% | 15 |
| #17 | Säpos Certifierade TF2-Proffs | 27% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kinesien | 13 | 0.0126 |
| #2 | Säpos Certifierade TF2-Proffs | 5 | 0.0209 |
| #3 | Σ Alexius Σ | 4 | 0.0201 |
| #4 | mrwickey | 3 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | Sylvester | 3 | 0.0337 |





