








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 478 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 86 matches | ||
| Premier | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3188 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,750 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3155 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3318 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3033 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4244 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,462,207 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 282 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigJilldo | 61% | 31 |
| #2 | Cryptic | 61% | 236 |
| #3 | Logs | 61% | 192 |
| #4 | Dan | 61% | 94 |
| #5 | Phoenix | 59% | 209 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cryptic | 27 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | Phoenix | 16 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | Logs | 8 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Dan | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Theo | 3 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wayha | 1205 | 0.20 | 28 min |
| #2 | Logs | 988 | 0.26 | 25 min |
| #3 | Phoenix | 858 | 0.21 | 29 min |
| #4 | Pontic | 603 | 0.26 | 15 min |
| #5 | Cryptic | 529 | 0.11 | 13 min |





