








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 231 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
481 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,731 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 879 | 32% |
| Smokes | 683 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 819 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 350 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $207,486 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 89 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #16 | AF SharkBearz | 33% | 24 |
| #17 | AF Guppynator | 32% | 19 |
| #18 | Haemo | 25% | 8 |
| #19 | Alex | 17% | 6 |
| #20 | kman3609 | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fearless | 3 | 0.0090 |
| #2 | ✪ Scopey | 3 | 0.0196 |
| #3 | AF SharkBearz | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | gunfingers | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Grummins | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AF SharkBearz | 106 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #2 | gunfingers | 62 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | AF Guppynator | 59 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | ✪ Scopey | 47 | 0.31 | 1 min |
| #5 | wa1ve | 38 | 0.09 | 1 min |





