








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 255 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2507 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,411 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3335 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2980 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1403 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 2693 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $657,614 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 323 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cartman | 62% | 39 |
| #2 | d!ce. | 60% | 40 |
| #3 | Hot Dog | 54% | 35 |
| #4 | Warlock | 50% | 107 |
| #5 | shabbadoo | 48% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | shabbadoo | 48% | 23 |
| #6 | Mr_Snugglez | 48% | 80 |
| #7 | HNNNNNNNNNGH | 42% | 64 |
| #8 | PrimeRib | 41% | 27 |
| #9 | Dog Fort | 37% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Warlock | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | d!ce. | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Cartman | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Hot Dog | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Mr_Snugglez | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Warlock | 355 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #2 | Mr_Snugglez | 107 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | Hot Dog | 97 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | Cartman | 75 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | d!ce. | 55 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hot Dog | +4.47 | 71 | 72 |
| #2 | Warlock | +3.04 | 75 | 67 |
| #3 | d!ce. | +2.42 | 86 | 54 |
| #4 | shabbadoo | +0.68 | 59 | 49 |
| #5 | Mr_Snugglez | +0.60 | 49 | 49 |





